20. I am grateful that God is mindful of my needs. Sunday was hard. Heck, a lot of the last few days have been hard. I've been feeling really distant from my bishopric since we reorganized...whereas before, I had a bunch of really trusted priesthood leaders I went to for counsel and company. I obviously didn't grow up with any legit male father/grandfather figures, so the bishoprics and presidencies over the last 4 years in the Church have filled that hole. Real, honorable, legit men who I completely trust and I know care about me so much.
So since the reorganization of our superward, I didn't feel like I had close relationships with the new leaders--I kind of felt like a number instead of a person. I'd been debating moving to the family ward for awhile. I talked to Institute teachers, prayed about it, and was even thinking about it a lot in the temple the afternoon before. I just desperately wanted a good close relationship with my bishopric.
And literally, the very next day, on Sunday, one of the counselors was released and they called my very favorite couple back to our ward! The Snyders. I can't even descibe how much I love them. I cried when they were first released a few months ago and I hated I wouldn't see them as much anymore. And guess what--I cried AGAIN on Sunday when they were brought back. Shocking, yes? haha.
Maybe I'm selfish. But I feel really strongly that they were chosen to come back for me. Maybe some other people too...but I know that God knew I needed Brother and Sister Snyder, listened to my pleadings, and gave me what I needed.
{ In the "worlds without number," I'm always amazed that He know me specifically }
21. I am grateful for vulnerability. Ok, maybe I should call it "forced vulnerability." Monday's FHE was a doozy. Talk about "Let's make Elyse feel sheepish day." But I loved it. Seriously. I'm not really asked to do many things that are challenging for me anymore. At FHE, I had to play piano for the first time at a church activity...without warning. I usually just plunk away in a quiet room, slowly learning songs...and definitely not thinking this skill would ever be called upon. And now apparently I'm playing for opening and closing hymns.
The FHE activity was roller-skating. I did not realize I would be so TERRIBLE. I mean, I can ice skate fairly well and spent my childhood roller-blading tons. I don't know what it was though--I just was not up to par. I looked like an idiot. I only really had one problem--I could not turn my feet inward. So I'd skate and end up in the splits because my feet would not face straight forward or turn inward. Maybe it was the old-school skates I had. Most likely, it was Frankenankle...rebuilt but misaligned...preventing my ankles and feet from turning anywhere but outward.
I was either a geriatric or a toddler on those skates.
It was a skill-challenging evening. But I'm grateful for it. It reminded me that there are still things I can learn, there are still opportunities to be silly and not care what people think. That I can survive looking like a dumdum on wheels. And if I had not allowed myself to be vulnerable at the piano...if I had continued to hide behind my walls of perfectionism and fear of mistakes...I would not have learned that I can now contribute in a new way. That I can play when a pianist is absent. That I can survive a few wrong notes.
{ I'd still rather be here though... }
22. I am grateful for a cultured life. On Tuesday night, Madre and I went out to an epic dinner and then to the symphony. They were performing a concert about war and peace, featuring A Lincoln Portrait by Aaron Copeland. All the songs were great, but the Copeland piece was epic. They paired it with a moving photochoreography work and live narration from Tom Brokaw.
Quick tangent--Brokaw walked out on stage wearing a black velvet jacket. I died. I'd like to see him rock that on the news.
Anyway, the concert was amazing. I cried. It was moving. They opened with New England Tryptich, which I played in college. The movement "When Jesus Wept" brought back the most memories. Then A Lincoln Portrait. After intermission, the symphony, with an added huge chorus, performed a recent work, On the Transmigration of Souls, about 9/11. It was especially haunting. Finished the concert with "Promise of Living" from The Tender Land Suite.
I always feel mildly enlightened and edified when we go to the symphony. But Tuesday night was beyond that. Literally...and this is not an exaggeration...the things I pondered and learned at the concert, through this music, helped me overcome the current challenges of my life. It helped free me. When I prayed before bed, everything hit me really hard, I had a major revelation, and I went to bed without the burdens I've been carrying for the last whoknowshowlong.
So I'm grateful for the countless opportunities I have to broaden my horizons and perspectives...to not only make me a better, more compassionate world citizen, but to help me overcome and understand the issues within my own personal microcosm.
{ one of the photos that really struck me from the photochoreography piece: Civil War, carnage of Gettysburg }
23. Today, I've been really grateful for my mother's happiness. She officially filed for divorce today and it.was.a.big.deal. She left almost 2 months ago, but had to wait until now before she could file. She's been really happy since leaving, but today was especially full of happiness. Sistah and BF came over for an impromptu celebratory family dinner and games.
I think my mother is so wonderful and have spent the last whoknowshowmany years in anguish because I knew she wasn't happy and I know she deserves all the happiness in the world! Above pretty much everything I've ever wanted for myself, I've wanted my mom to be happy. And really, happy doesn't even describe what I'm talking about...but it'll have to do. And so, while it's been a long time coming, I'm so grateful to finally see what I've been wishing for for so many years.
{ first ride at DCA this summer...how can you not want this happy face all the time?! }
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